I am humbled and thankful to announce that after 5 and a half years of Infertility, Ronnie and I are finally expecting. Many of you already knew that we decided to go ahead with In Vitro Fertilization, which took place at the end of January. We also went ahead and chose to do ICSI (feel free to look it up if you want details:), which, according to our doctor, was clearly the right choice for us. After 2 weeks of waiting, we got the news we had always hoped to hear... "You are pregnant." When my doctor told me, I could hardly contain myself. I wept and wept and wept. It was such a surreal moment... one that I honestly didn't know if I would ever get to experience. Since I was by myself at the doctor, I decided to come up with a creative way to tell Ronnie when he came home from work. From the beginning of our relationship, making shirts has always been our thing. Whenever I wanted to tell him something fun or surprise him with something, I would iron letters onto a shirt and reveal it that way. So, I knew I had to tell him the joyous news by making a shirt. I ironed a large plus-sign onto a shirt, put it on, and waited anxiously for Ronnie to come home. When he came through the door, he took one look at me and joined in on the weep-fest. I'm sure he wouldn't mind me posting this moment of pure emotion and vulnerability. You see, he has been walking down this difficult road for as long as I have. And while we may have dealt with it differently over the past 5 years, I know it has been just as devastating for him as it has been for me. To see the joy and relief on his face in that moment is something I will treasure forever. Lord, thank you for that sweet moment with my husband.
So now here we are, almost at 7 weeks pregnant, and we are preparing for our first ultrasound toward the end of this week. While I am thrilled to be pregnant at all, I know it will be such a relief to see a little heartbeat (or 2) on the screen, assuring that everything is progressing smoothly. Through various circumstances, I am already starting to realize how much fear can be involved throughout the entire pregnancy process. We have waited so long to get to this place, part of me is fearful that something is bound to go wrong or that we will never get to experience pregnancy in its entirety and see our precious child. No matter which stage I am in, I know there will always be cause for "worry" along the way. But that is NOT how I want to approach this pregnancy. That kind of fear is not from the Lord and has no place here. God has already given us the desire of our hearts and I am going to trust Him throughout this beautiful process. Lord, help me not to fear, but to TRUST in you and you alone.
I am also beginning to realize that although pregnancy is wonderful, it brings some interesting side effects along with it. For the past week I have been learning what morning sickness is all about. And let me just say, for the record, whoever named it morning sickness, was not entirely accurate. This is a sickness that lasts all day. And all night. And never ceases. Now, I promised myself that as soon as I became pregnant no one would ever hear me complain. I would be so thankful to be pregnant that I would count it all joy. And don't get me wrong, I do count it all joy. I would rather be feeling this, knowing it is a good sign, rather than continuing my journey through Infertility. However, this sickness is not like anything I have ever experienced and I fear it may be getting the better of me. Please pray that I will find a way to function in the midst of this all-day sickness and that I would experience some sense of relief. Lord, thank you for this child and for giving me signs to show that the pregnancy is progressing in a healthy way. Please help me to focus on you and not just the sickness.
As we prepare for this new little one (or little ones:) we are also planning our upcoming move this summer to... the beautiful state of Alaska. Yes, the Air Force decided that is where they needed Captain Ronald Miller, so in August we will be PCSing to Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage. Ronnie is thrilled because this is his DREAM location. I am on board and trying to be as supportive as I can. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to go, but now with a little one on the way, I keep thinking about all the new what-ifs. What if I give birth there and something goes wrong? What if I can't handle the snow and the winters? What if no one ever comes to visit us because it's so far away? However, in the midst of all the what-ifs, I know in my heart that God has already gone ahead of us and prepared a place for us. He knows where we are going to live, what church we are going to join and what people he has waiting for us to meet. It's exciting thinking about what all is in store and I am thankful to be on this journey with my husband and our new little family. Lord, thank you for this assignment to Alaska!
I will update you all again after our ultrasound. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we prepare to see our baby's heartbeat for the first time:) We are so thankful for the many prayers that have been lifted up on our behalf over the past 5 years. I am amazed when I think about how many people have loved us, supported us, encouraged us, cried with us and prayed for us throughout our battle with Infertility. Ronnie and I are thankful for every one of you and hope that you are all encouraged as you witness this miracle that God has performed in our lives.
To God be ALL the Glory.
-Heather (& Ronnie) (& baby:)
