Adventures in a Courtroom

I promised you all an update about Thursday's Court Hearing, and here it is. Let me start off by saying that I know why there is such a shortage of foster parents. I now know why people shy away from pursuing foster care, quit fostering after a time, or simply refuse to walk that road at all, even when they are called to this ministry. All it takes to consider never fostering again is to sit through one court hearing for a foster child's case. It is not for the faint of heart. And sadly, my heart is quite faint.

Ronnie and I showed up to the courthouse 40 minutes early and we were the only people there for our case until close to starting time. However, starting time quickly became an hour past due, which is understandable when you see how many cases have to go before the judge each day. As we sat in the back of the courtroom, we didn't know what to expect out of that hearing. The case worker began to answer a series of questions prompted by the state attorney, including what the new permanency plan is on behalf of the state. "Adoption by a relative, followed by adoption from a non-relative," was her answer. To which the question was asked, "Are the children in a foster adoptive home?" "No." "So the foster family is not interested in adoption?" "No." "So who is the family member pursuing adoption for the children?" "We do not know of any?" "Have you looked for a family member to adopt?" "No." "So there is no one currently in place to adopt the children?" "Correct." This was at the very beginning of the proceedings, and Ronnie and I were already shaking with adrenaline and frustration at what we just heard. We had been very honest with this new case worker about our struggles with our current agency and how we were considering whether God wanted us to leave foster care completely or if we just needed to switch agencies. I was also honest with her when I said that I didn't know whether or not we would adopt these children because that was a huge decision to make and we were having a lot of struggles, especially with J. But never did I say that we were not considering adoption, when in fact we still were (and are). Long story short, this began a series of eye-contact conversations with the CASA worker, who is amazing and knows exactly where are hearts are. Luckily, she spoke up for us and said, "Actually, Your Honor, the children are in a foster adoptive home and they are still possibly considering adoption." "Well," he said. "That is a completely different story than I'm getting from the case worker. Interesting. Proceed." 

So then it turned into the parent battle, with the case worker going through each parent's service plan, telling what they have and have not done, including what is still left to do in their service plans. There were some emotionally fueled comments back and forth between the case worker and the parents' attorneys. Then it was the judge's turn. And let me just tell you that it was the most amazing speech I've ever heard. I wish I could've posted in on You Tube:) He started out by saying that everything he's heard is "Bull you-know-what." He voiced how disappointed he was with the state in the sense that just one month away from the end of the case we had yet another case worker quit and now we are on our fourth case worker, which is totally wrong. Then he went through the parents one by one, scolding them and voicing his extreme disappointment in their lack of services. The judge raised his voice and said to the parents, "Here we are, 4 days away from what is supposed to be the end of the case, and you are only partially completed with your service plans? Your children have been in state custody since April of 2011 and you still aren't done? Are you kidding me? And you (as he said to one parent), here you are trying to get custody of your children and you are still involved in criminal activity? You expect me to hand these children over to you now? Are you kidding me? Do you realize what a big deal this is? You're lucky that I'm not terminating all of your parental rights right now! This is ridiculous! You have all been given more than enough time! My concern is that these healthy, innocent kids, who thousands of people would adopt in an instant, go to a safe home. Get your stuff together. If you don't have your entire service plan completed next time we come to court, just know that your rights will be terminated." Wow. Ronnie and I just sat there, shaking, not believing what we just witnessed and so thrilled that somebody finally had the courage to tell these parents exactly what they needed to hear. 

After the judge rightfully schooled these parents, he decided to extend the case because of the case worker turnovers and confusion in the state's report about the permanency plan for the children. We go back to court in mid-August, at which time the final hearing will be held. We will then find out whether or not the parents have finished their service plans and can gain custody of the children or if the rights will all be terminated and the children will be available for adoption. Ronnie and I don't know what we will do in the end. We are committed, now more than ever, to keep these children until the end of the case, which is now in August, but beyond that we have no idea. Please don't unrightfully judge our situation until you have walked in our shoes. Adoption is a big deal. A really big deal. Yes, we love these children more than we even thought possible. But committing to a lifetime with them is exactly that. This is life-time, life-altering decision we have to make by August. These children have brought us a lot of joy, and they have caused us a lot of heartache. If we do adopt J and B, we want it to be for the right reasons, not out of a sense of obligation, and we want it to truly be the best possible situation for the children above all. Because they deserve the BEST life has to offer them. 

Ronnie and I want to make sure that if we say yes to adoption, we are saying yes to everything that comes along with it... going from a family of 2 to a family of 4, dealing with the termination of biological parental rights and the pain that we know will come from that, helping the children mourn the loss of their biological family, comforting traumatized children on a long-term basis, continuing behavioral therapy and other therapeutic services for the children, hoping that we will continue bonding with the children, ensuring that they will be welcomed into our family as biological children would, uprooting them from San Antonio and Texas next year, moving them around the world every 2 to 3 years for the rest of Ronnie's military career, and quite honestly, mourning the loss of what Ronnie and I pictured for our family. That may sound very selfish to many of you, but as I said, please don't judge our situation. I realize that God's plan is often quite different than what we had planned for ourselves. But I think if we were all honest with ourselves, many life-altering changes come as we secretly (or not-so-secretly) mourn the loss of what "could have been." I always pictured myself getting married young, having children young and being a young, lively grandmother, with a variety of adventures in-between. Even though I did get married young, my life has turned out much differently than expected. As we head into year 5 of our journey through Infertility, we realize that God has something much different in store, but we welcome His perfect plan into our lives, whatever that may look like. If that plan includes adoption, then so be it. But we will not adopt unless we know that God is leading us there 100%. Even if you do not understand our decisions or deliberations, please support us with your prayers as we navigate the next few months ahead of us. 

Thank you to those who were praying for us while we were in court on Thursday. When I say we felt your prayers, I'm telling you the honest truth. I want to say an extra thanks to those of you who prayed for clarity for those in the legal system. In a case of extreme confusion, somehow the judge was able to see everything clearly, see past the lack of preparation on the state's behalf, see past the attorneys' twisted perspectives, see past the parents laziness, and see everything exactly as it was. He saw the truth, he expressed the truth, and we know that whatever happens in this case will truly be for just cause. Some times the legal system does actually work:) We are thankful for that experience in court, though we hope never to have to witness it again any time soon. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. Love to all.