(non)Permanency

As we complete month 4 with our little foster kiddos, I thought an actual update would be appropriate. So much has happened since J and B came back "home" and we feel truly blessed to have them under our roof and in our care. For those of you familiar with the Foster Care process, each case goes through various Permanency Trials. These hearings are a time for all of the people who are involved in the case to have a chance to sit down and discuss everything that has (or hasn't) happened thus far, and what still needs to be done in order for the biological parents to regain guardianship of their children.

Ronnie and I had the opportunity to sit in on one of these hearings to witness the process and be there as a representative of our children. It was important to us to meet all of the people that are working behind the scenes in this case and we were thankful that the Case Manager allowed us to be there. I was emotional throughout the entire hearing, beginning with the fact that the kids' mother didn't show up until 40 minutes into the meeting and one of the biological fathers didn't show up at all. What brought me to tears was hearing some of the background info. about mom, to include other children, a history of crime and other unfortunate choices that she has made, all to the detriment of the two children living in my home. At that moment, I was brokenhearted as I imagined what these kids have experienced and I couldn't comprehend ever having to send them back to that kind of situation. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. Ronnie and I luckily had the opportunity to speak on the kids' behalf and let everyone know how well they were doing. That was a proud moment for us as we bragged about how far these kids had come and how many achievements they've made. But we were also very honest about the things that they were struggling with, mainly because of the trauma they have experienced in their short lives.

After we were done giving an update on the kiddos, we listened as the Case Manager revealed what the permanency plan was going to be for the case. The state decided to recommend a dual-track system, which means they are considering both Reunification (kids being reunified with mom or other either dad) and Termination (all parents' rights being terminated) simultaneously. So, even though these parents have had almost 2 years to get their act together and comply with the state, they are now getting another 4 months to complete their checklists and come into full compliance. I have mixed feelings about this plan, mainly because I think it sends the wrong message to everyone involved and it seems that no one is firm enough to put their foot down. At this point in the case, I believe that the end result should be focused one way or the other, with a strong verdict. These parents must realize that they need to either poop or get off the pot. If you want your children back, do something about it! If you don't really care either way, allow these kids the freedom to become a part of a functional family. I really do believe that all parents involved truly love their children. I also believe that some of the choices they continue to make reveal the backward state of their priorities in life. We will find out what the final permanency plan is at a court hearing toward the end of May. At that time we will know whether we will be preparing these kids for reunification or if we begin the process of termination and (possibly) adoption. At this point, anything is possible.

As always, thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. If there is anything that Ronnie and I have learned through this process, it is that we've just gotten started on this roller coaster that is foster care. We thought it was difficult up to this point, but now we're facing a new world of challenges. We also experience moments of joy as we watch these little ones grow into the beautiful children that God created them to be. But we've got a long way to go. The foster care system still continues to be broken. There is still a ridiculous amount of children needing homes. We still have room. So for now we have surrendered ourselves, if only to live in His will. His good, pleasing and perfect will.

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Dear Infertility,

Why do you hurt so badly?

Sincerely,

Me

Enough

Well, a week ago today I finally said "Enough." I decided to resign from my job and turned in my 2-week notice to my supervisor. I had gotten to a point where something had to give, and I knew it could not be my family. After praying, talking to my husband and seeking wise council, I feel very confident about my decision. The current season of life I am in demands more time than I have been able to give and my family needs my undivided attention. After speaking to my husband, I came to the realization that there are many people who could do that job, but I am the only one who can be a wife and mother to my family. I am looking forward to being able to stay at home with our kiddos, I am also leaving my job with a heavy heart. I have really bonded with my staff, students and many parents at my school, all of which I am sad to leave behind. I have been praying that God would reveal to me what purpose I have served at this site after only being there for 3 months, and I think he is beginning to reveal that to me as my time comes to an end. The 9 staff I have been supervising are amazing. They deal with so many hardships in their personal lives, yet they put it all aside and come to work each day, excited and dedicated to our students. When I first came to our site, our staff and students were hurting. They had lost yet another Director and hadn't had strong leadership for quite some time. Over the past 3 months, I have been encouraging them, praising them, and challenging them to embrace their full potential. I have seen such amazing growth from every single one of them and we have really come together as a strong team; one of my staff has even applied to be a Director at another site. I am so incredibly proud of my staff and while I am sorry to say good-bye, I know that they will continue to thrive after I am gone. I praise God for the time that I had at my site and I'm excited to move forward and embrace my new role as a stay-at-home mom. This Friday will be my last day, so I covet your prayers over this next week... prayer for a smooth transition for my staff, students and parents and for Ronnie, the kiddos and myself. I'm already looking forward to what this next season has in store: taking B to the zoo, picking J up from school, volunteering at his school, helping him with his homework, participating in play dates, taking walks to the park, potty-training, going out for ice cream, doing art projects, baking with the kids, being an involved mom. I'm not saying that working moms cannot be involved, but with my work schedule and difficult hours, weekday involvement with the kids was challenging if not impossible. I'm trying not to be naive... I know that staying at home will bring it's own specific challenges. However, I am ready to be available to my kiddos, for however little or long they will be with us. My husband is excited to have me home as well. I'm sure he will appreciate having someone here to finally make nice home-cooked meals on a regular basis. Ronnie has been such a trooper and I am incredibly thankful for his dedication to me and the kiddos during the last 3 months of complete craziness. He and I are looking forward to finally spending some much-needed quality family time together. I've realized that even though the money from my job was needed and appreciated, God will help us get by with what we have. All it will take is re-prioritizing our current budget and having faith that God will bless our obedience. God, my husband, my foster kids. For me, they are enough.